this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
