you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Be still, my beating vagina.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
