is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
