this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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