he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
