make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
