I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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