So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
