I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
