these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just had sex bonerless
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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