I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
