Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
