She's JV to your varsity
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
