I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
