There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
