Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
