At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
