i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
