Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
