I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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