i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
