"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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