I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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