You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
