WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
