guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
