Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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