I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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