Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
