happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
