Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
