i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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