where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Enjoy the penises
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
