Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
