im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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