$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
