You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
