omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
now i know why i became what i already was.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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