and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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