I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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