I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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