I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
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Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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