Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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