I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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