True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
