All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Four minutes until I can fart!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
