she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
