Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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