ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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