you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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