dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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