that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
