tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
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