East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
