Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
