u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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