I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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