Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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