I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm passing your future prison.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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