Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
