Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
