Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
