That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
