In the future we'll all be gay
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
