I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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