i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
