you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
