'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
