I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
