Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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