I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
