Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
